History Research Project

The other night, I lay in bed cleaning out my Facebook history. It was a long process that took a few days as there are years of pictures of absolute nonsense, and hundreds of cars from my days in auto sales. At first, I just wanted to get rid of the cars, but the further I dug into the photo albums, I realized how many years of unhappiness were plastered to the public.

My Facebook started out like any 16 year old's profile. Nonsense and intentional misspelling without a care in the world, or an ounce of shame. There seemed to be a break in years though as I did have my account deactivated for quite a while. During that year of deactivation, I lived my new life with my new husband and new baby. When the account became active again, it was just swarmed with negative energy. It was depressing and I knew I needed to clean the entire account out.

I cleared the nonsense leaving a few light heartening pictures. Once those early photos were sifted through, I got back into the cars. There were nothing but cars and tote bags for the entire year of 2018. I can clearly remember that year feeling no sense of myself and as if the clock had simply stopped ticking. I allowed car sales and the bag sales to ABSOLUTELY consume my life. It burnt me out to the point of complete loss, and after seeing how much it had consumed me, I thought to myself "No wonder.".

I felt much lighter after discarding that energy. However, there was a tinge of pain as I reflected on the root of those feelings. Many people came to mind, and the weight of accountability stung for about a day or two. Some people I miss terribly but know I must love from afar. Others I'm not too sure I miss LOL, but I will still extend love from afar.

I definitely recommend a good read up of your own history. Cleaning out your painful memories might bring a level of healing that you didn't know you needed. Dealing with painful memories that we do not understand is very difficult. Some memories you might not be able to face yet, and that is okay. Deal with what you can now, and deal with the heavy loads a little bit at a time until they become lighter to face. Never lose your hope though. Never lose the hope that pain can subside, or that understanding will come. Our history is there to teach us ways we can be better.

Go clean out your history. Let go of negative chapters. You don't need those boxes of shit from past relationships or painful childhood memories. You don't need pictures of nonsense and clutter. Learn from your past self. Delete. Uproot. Grow.

Alla Prossima!